Job 1:21

When my best friends and i all parted to go away for school i didn't actually think things were going to change. the first few weeks we all still texted everyday, facebook chatted often, and skyped. nothing really seemed all the different. but slowly i started the changes happening. Less texts, fewer chats, and no skype dates. and that was hard. we still called each other our 'best friends' but we definitely did NOT act that way. so why say it if it's not true. for me, it was my only way to hold on to the most amazing summer i had ever had. i wanted to bottle up all the happiness my friends had brought me and keep it forever. but i realized as the semester progressed, they were changing, and so was i. we were all in different parts of our life. and different things consumed our lives...boyfriends, sororities, sports, new friends were just some of the things my friends were experiencing that i was definitely not. 


This past weekend i grew up tremendously in one day. i realized i did not want to go back to the person i was all summer. realizing how terrible i had treated people who had done nothing wrong to me because of my new friends. it was the strangest thing of my life because i thought my summer was the greatest thing in the entire world, but then all of a sudden i was on the 'outside' of that group of friends looking in and i hatedhatedhated who they made me. in the circle you think it's the greatest thing in the entire world, but they made me who i wasn't and definitely someone i didn't want to be. don't get me wrong, i still love them to death, i just think we were meant to be best friends for a season. we needed each other in that part of out lives and then God made me realize that i don't deserve those types of friendships where i don't get anything out of. and that was just it. i had stopped getting things out of my friendships with them. and I'm not talking  about real things, like stuff and presents, i mean like emotional and that sort of stuff. i had lost my connection with them and i kept trying and trying to fix it, only to realize it was broken for a reason. 


I believe that God gives and takes away for very good reasons. He gave me the very best of friends, for that specific time in my life, and then He took them away, and until now i haven't realized why He did that to me recently. But I believe He did it to show me how completely in control He is in my life. I kept thinking how awful and terrible it would be when my friends and i grew apart. I thought they would all 4 be the bridesmaids in my wedding, but I realize God has such bigger things in store for me at Kennesaw. I firmly believe He is going to bless me beyond anything i can imagine and it's all i can do to contain my excitement for the next month or so. He's taken so much away from me only to draw me that much closer. He took my mom to Miami, He took all my friends away to school, except the select few that are in good ole Lawrenceville, but He has also blessed me with the wisdom to be patient and wait for the much better road ahead. 


Our God is most certainly a jealous God. He demands our full devotion all the time. And in return, He blesses us with material things, as well as non-material things. But because everything is the Lord's anyway, he chooses when to give, and when to take away. He has the power. I believe He has His reasons for taking away. It's not always for being disobedient, but if I am given a gift from God, and I am misusing it, it is up to Him how He reconciles with me. And I've definitely been realizing lately how God definitely does not have my full devotion and now I feel as though He is taking everything away from me, so that He is all I have left to cling on to for dear life.


Job 1:21 God gives, God takes. 
   God's name be ever blessed.

I'm praying that these next few years I will become exactly the woman of Christ that He wants me to be. That, I feel, is the only way to pure happiness. Which is all I'm after in life anyways. The pursuit of happiness. I know I won't change overnight, I know I'm going to mess up all the time, but with God's help, I'll start messing up a little less each day. Clearly I'll never be perfect, but I know one day I'll be just who God wants me to be in Him :)