i don't ask for that much. minimal really. my sisters might beg to differ, but honestly, i don't ask for anything. the only thing i ask is for people to be there for me when i need them to be. not even all the time. i don't expect anyone i know to drive through the night to come be by my side. and i've only recently found out how sad that is. that i do not have one friend that i know for a fact would risk their own life just to help me. and who knows? maybe i do. but my friends sure as hell don't act like it. i'm available to every single one of my friends 24/7, by choice. i do that because i don't have that. i see the effects it has had on me and i hate it, and i never want anyone close to me to go through with that.
Sure, I have great friends. sure do. and i'm not complaining about my friends, i love them to absolute pieces, this is just something that has come to my attention recently and needed to get it off my heart. i've come to trust very few people. less than 3 probably. my sisters, and my best friend hillary. i've gotten really really close with a lot of people and have let in my life and let my guard down to them, but never will i ever trust them with what i trust those 3 people. it's not worth the risk. especially when i hear the way they talk about their 'best friends' HELL NO. i'm not stupid. i know the difference in giving someone my trust and being friends. my trust has been broken so many times that its not fair to myself to keep getting let down time and time again. i respect myself too much to have someone disrespect it like that.
I've clung to myself for my main source of wisdom and strength. it's all i know anymore. i seem to be the only person that knows how to cheer myself up or anything like that. and i'm perfectly fine with that. it's easier to rely on only myself then have to worry about keeping up with all these people that have such a high potential of hurting me. that doesn't sound fun at all. so why put up with it?
i know sooner or later i'll find that group that i know for a fact will be there for me just as much as i'm there for them, and maybe that will just always be my family, and i'm okay with that. but i'm okay waiting and not wasting my time on people who won't love me for who i am and what i stand for.
Sure, I have great friends. sure do. and i'm not complaining about my friends, i love them to absolute pieces, this is just something that has come to my attention recently and needed to get it off my heart. i've come to trust very few people. less than 3 probably. my sisters, and my best friend hillary. i've gotten really really close with a lot of people and have let in my life and let my guard down to them, but never will i ever trust them with what i trust those 3 people. it's not worth the risk. especially when i hear the way they talk about their 'best friends' HELL NO. i'm not stupid. i know the difference in giving someone my trust and being friends. my trust has been broken so many times that its not fair to myself to keep getting let down time and time again. i respect myself too much to have someone disrespect it like that.
I've clung to myself for my main source of wisdom and strength. it's all i know anymore. i seem to be the only person that knows how to cheer myself up or anything like that. and i'm perfectly fine with that. it's easier to rely on only myself then have to worry about keeping up with all these people that have such a high potential of hurting me. that doesn't sound fun at all. so why put up with it?
i know sooner or later i'll find that group that i know for a fact will be there for me just as much as i'm there for them, and maybe that will just always be my family, and i'm okay with that. but i'm okay waiting and not wasting my time on people who won't love me for who i am and what i stand for.
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