Welcome Home?

Ever felt unwelcome? it's an uncomfortable, awkward, and weird feeling. one that i am all to familiar with. whether it's at school, a party, or hanging out with people i don't know all that well...so when i sense that someone else is feeling uncomfortable and unwelcome i try and go out of my way to make sure that they're enjoying themselves because i know what it's like to walk in their shoes, and it is most definitely not a fun journey. 


but you know what's interesting? once we become a Christian, the bible says that we're supposed to feel that way. that we're aliens to this earth. WE AREN'T SUPPOSED TO BELONG HERE. what we've been taught on 'fitting in' and 'following the crowd' are completely skewed. we, as Christians are supposed to be different, a kind of our own. we understand each others, and those who don't believe won't understand us, or what makes us so unbelievably happy and JOYFUL! and they never will. we aren't supposed to fit the mold, or go along with anything and everything that comes up in our lives. that's not how God planned it, and that's not the road He wants us to take. He is a completely different path, unbeaten, and rough, but with His guiding light, He walks us through each step. It's just getting to that first step in the other direction that seems to weigh on us and make the decision harder. 


^{Ephesians 2:16-22} Christ brought us together through his death on the cross. The Cross got us to embrace, and that was the end of the hostility. Christ came and preached peace to you outsiders and peace to us insiders. He treated us as equals, and so made us equals. Through him we both share the same Spirit and have equal access to the Father.That's plain enough, isn't it? You're no longer wandering exiles. This kingdom of faith is now your home country. You're no longer strangers or outsiders. You belong here, with as much right to the name Christian as anyone. God is building a home. He's using us all—irrespective of how we got here—in what He is building. He used the apostles and prophets for the foundation. Now He's using you, fitting you in brick by brick, stone by stone, with Christ Jesus as the cornerstone that holds all the parts together. We see it taking shape day after day—a holy temple built by God, all of us built into it, a temple in which God is quite at home.


In this verse, we're being told that all Christians are equal. weird thought right? i always think about other Christians who just seem to be 'better' at this whole Christianity thing to me. my pastor, some friends, my sister, my mom...it's a long list. but in God's eyes, HE DOESN'T CARE. all He cares about is my personal relationship with Him. and if it's where it's supposed to be, then i'm making Him happy. it doesn't matter if i'm out doing missions in Africa, or going to orphanages in Europe. as long as I'm following HIS plan for me, and NOT my own, i'm doing something right, and He'll continue to bless me and my journey. 


It's just weird to think that we're all equal. He loves us all the same. no matter what we do, no matter how low in the valleys we are, no matter how many times we sin in one hour, minute, or day. HE STILL LOVES US AND ALWAYS WILL. what more could i even ask for? the ultimate Father. Dad's get mad. they yell, scream, and fight with you over a lot. But the FATHER, GOD IN HEAVEN, doesn't want any of that, all He wants is your heart, mind, body, and soul. all of you. He doesn't care if your room is clean, or if you've done the dishes, or if your homework is done. He just cares about your heart. what's better?


In verse 19, it says 'You're no longer wandering exiles. The kingdom of faith is now your home country. You're no longer strangers or outsiders. You belong here-with as much right to the name Christian as anyone.


The Earth isn't meant to seem 'homey' or to feel like belong here. because plain and simple, WE DON'T. God is building His kingdom, and He's using me in it. I'm a huge part of that. sometimes taking a step back to remember that blows my mind. it's SO easy to get lost in the sea of everyone else, just going with the flow, that its also easy to forget how special and unique the Lord made me. i'm one of a kind, and thats okay with me. God doesn't want me to be like anyone else, clearly He already has someone like that person and doesn't need another. what He needs is someone like me. that's why He made me, ME. i'm supposed to be who He made me and who He has planned for me to be. and no one else. 


This whole journey is exciting. growing up is so scary, but I know the Lord won't let go of me, and I know He'll always be there with me, every step of the way. And that makes the journey seem that much easier and exciting! :)

Isaiah 41:10 Don't panic. I'm with you. There's no need to fear, for I'm your God. I'll give you strength. I'll help you. I'll hold you steady, and keep a firm grip on you. 

I am, I'm captivated by You. In all that You do, I am, I'm captivated.

cap·ti·vate [kap-tuh-veyt]
–verb (used with object),-vat·ed, -vat·ing.
1. to attract and hold the attention or interest of, as by beauty or excellence; enchant: Her green eyes and red hair captivated him.


We use this word like it's nothing. Like it doesn't mean something huge. In the song 'Captivated' By Shawn McDonald, he sings about being captivated in the Lord and all that the Lord does. He sees all the beautiful things the Lord has created, and can even see the beautiful in the not so beautiful things the Lord has created. How great does that sound? Being able to see the good in everything and everyone. And being completely captivated by God. Being consumed by His love, and actually feeling it. 


Seeing God in the world has always been a struggle for me. Focusing on the negatives has always been so much easier than working to see the positives. But in this song the way he describes it makes it sound so easy and wonderful.


The singer sees all the beauty that God has created and in seeing all that, He feels captivated by God's love and grace. How cool is that?! 


I want to see everything and feel God when I do. To see God in everything I see and do would make me so happy, and it what I truly long for. 


Short today I know, but this was on my mind :)






When I look into the mountains I see Your face
When I look into the night sky it sparkles Your Name

The wind in the clouds and the blue in the sky
The sun and the moon and the stars so high
That's what draws me to You

Chorus:
I am
I'm captivated by You
(You know that You do)
I am
I'm captivated

When I wake unto the morning it gives me your sights
When I look across the ocean it echoes Your might

The sand on the shore and the waves in the sea
The air in my lungs and the way You made me
That's what draws me to You

Chorus x2

The wind in the clouds and the blue in the sky
The sun and the moon and the stars so high
The sand on the shore and the waves in the sea
The air in my lungs and the way You made me

The blood in my veins and my heart You invade
The plants how they grow and the trees and the shade
The way that I feel and the Love in my soul
I thank you my God for letting me know

Chorus x2

I am...

Job 1:21

When my best friends and i all parted to go away for school i didn't actually think things were going to change. the first few weeks we all still texted everyday, facebook chatted often, and skyped. nothing really seemed all the different. but slowly i started the changes happening. Less texts, fewer chats, and no skype dates. and that was hard. we still called each other our 'best friends' but we definitely did NOT act that way. so why say it if it's not true. for me, it was my only way to hold on to the most amazing summer i had ever had. i wanted to bottle up all the happiness my friends had brought me and keep it forever. but i realized as the semester progressed, they were changing, and so was i. we were all in different parts of our life. and different things consumed our lives...boyfriends, sororities, sports, new friends were just some of the things my friends were experiencing that i was definitely not. 


This past weekend i grew up tremendously in one day. i realized i did not want to go back to the person i was all summer. realizing how terrible i had treated people who had done nothing wrong to me because of my new friends. it was the strangest thing of my life because i thought my summer was the greatest thing in the entire world, but then all of a sudden i was on the 'outside' of that group of friends looking in and i hatedhatedhated who they made me. in the circle you think it's the greatest thing in the entire world, but they made me who i wasn't and definitely someone i didn't want to be. don't get me wrong, i still love them to death, i just think we were meant to be best friends for a season. we needed each other in that part of out lives and then God made me realize that i don't deserve those types of friendships where i don't get anything out of. and that was just it. i had stopped getting things out of my friendships with them. and I'm not talking  about real things, like stuff and presents, i mean like emotional and that sort of stuff. i had lost my connection with them and i kept trying and trying to fix it, only to realize it was broken for a reason. 


I believe that God gives and takes away for very good reasons. He gave me the very best of friends, for that specific time in my life, and then He took them away, and until now i haven't realized why He did that to me recently. But I believe He did it to show me how completely in control He is in my life. I kept thinking how awful and terrible it would be when my friends and i grew apart. I thought they would all 4 be the bridesmaids in my wedding, but I realize God has such bigger things in store for me at Kennesaw. I firmly believe He is going to bless me beyond anything i can imagine and it's all i can do to contain my excitement for the next month or so. He's taken so much away from me only to draw me that much closer. He took my mom to Miami, He took all my friends away to school, except the select few that are in good ole Lawrenceville, but He has also blessed me with the wisdom to be patient and wait for the much better road ahead. 


Our God is most certainly a jealous God. He demands our full devotion all the time. And in return, He blesses us with material things, as well as non-material things. But because everything is the Lord's anyway, he chooses when to give, and when to take away. He has the power. I believe He has His reasons for taking away. It's not always for being disobedient, but if I am given a gift from God, and I am misusing it, it is up to Him how He reconciles with me. And I've definitely been realizing lately how God definitely does not have my full devotion and now I feel as though He is taking everything away from me, so that He is all I have left to cling on to for dear life.


Job 1:21 God gives, God takes. 
   God's name be ever blessed.

I'm praying that these next few years I will become exactly the woman of Christ that He wants me to be. That, I feel, is the only way to pure happiness. Which is all I'm after in life anyways. The pursuit of happiness. I know I won't change overnight, I know I'm going to mess up all the time, but with God's help, I'll start messing up a little less each day. Clearly I'll never be perfect, but I know one day I'll be just who God wants me to be in Him :)